If you're a regular on my blog, you'll know that I (quite often) have completely random thoughts and questions to which I then have to subject all of you...
So, here goes...
Have you ever been in love and made someone the centre of your world?
... told them all your secrets, your opinions, all about your past?
... let your guard down around them and become entirely vulnerable?
... let your guard down around them and become entirely vulnerable?
For those of you who have...isn't it just the most intoxicating part of a relationship, be it a friendship or romantic bond?
Now what I am talking about is the risk that comes with the rewards of this kind of close relationship: A hurtful breakup.
I don't know about you, but in my personal experience and in that of many people I know, breakups are painful, messy and confusing and whether you want it or not, you end up being either the receiving or giving end of a post-breakup routine.
Because what usually happens?
Do the two people in question carry on seeing each other as friends and talk to one another? Do they only say good things about the other? Do they carry on seeing only the best attributes in each another?
Most of the time, NO.
As more often than not, these two formerly enmeshed souls begin to ignore each another...pass each other and pretend to be less than strangers (who might at the very least be curious), then they start to justify the breakup and cover up the hurt to varying degrees of denial, from outright bad-mouthing to pointing out flaws that they had either ignored or grown to accept/love.
When I went through it myself, I lacked the distance to see what was happening and just fell into step with the whole routine. But when I see others do it, I ask myself why such a drastic change occurs? How can we go from being someone's absolute everything to their complete nothing?
And this may seem obvious to some of you, but I have (only recently) come to the conclusion that it's because of the magnitude of the pain followed by anger we experience.
Let's say someone cheated on you - you end up imagining the situation a hundred times in your head and analyzing every single minuscule detail... and this obviously builds into such a powerful, pain-provoked anger that you don't even want to see the culprit's face anymore because all it will do is remind you.
Or another situation may be that your significant other dumped you out of the blue, for (what you consider) 'no reason'- the pain causes you to feel completely and utterly confused, you question what you did wrong and what may have caused a change of heart and carrying this unanswered question around with you makes you angry.
These are just two situations I've experienced so I am candid in my descriptions... but there are many more that all have the same thing in common:
BECAUSE OF PAIN (FOLLOWED BY ANGER) WE CAN, (FROM ONE MINUTE TO THE NEXT) COMPLETELY DISTANCE OURSELF FROM SOMEONE AND ACT (ON THE SURFACE) AS IF THE RELATIONSHIP NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.
I think pain has the strength to do this because we humans usually choose the easier route around most obstacles instead of trying to understand ourselves and the other person and grow from the experience.
And it's sad, but what can we do? It's more powerful than we are. It's our natural way of protecting ourselves. So while I will never underestimate pain, all I'm trying to say is try not to burn the bridges you built .
X Zo
Because what usually happens?
Do the two people in question carry on seeing each other as friends and talk to one another? Do they only say good things about the other? Do they carry on seeing only the best attributes in each another?
Most of the time, NO.
As more often than not, these two formerly enmeshed souls begin to ignore each another...pass each other and pretend to be less than strangers (who might at the very least be curious), then they start to justify the breakup and cover up the hurt to varying degrees of denial, from outright bad-mouthing to pointing out flaws that they had either ignored or grown to accept/love.
When I went through it myself, I lacked the distance to see what was happening and just fell into step with the whole routine. But when I see others do it, I ask myself why such a drastic change occurs? How can we go from being someone's absolute everything to their complete nothing?
And this may seem obvious to some of you, but I have (only recently) come to the conclusion that it's because of the magnitude of the pain followed by anger we experience.
Let's say someone cheated on you - you end up imagining the situation a hundred times in your head and analyzing every single minuscule detail... and this obviously builds into such a powerful, pain-provoked anger that you don't even want to see the culprit's face anymore because all it will do is remind you.
Or another situation may be that your significant other dumped you out of the blue, for (what you consider) 'no reason'- the pain causes you to feel completely and utterly confused, you question what you did wrong and what may have caused a change of heart and carrying this unanswered question around with you makes you angry.
These are just two situations I've experienced so I am candid in my descriptions... but there are many more that all have the same thing in common:
BECAUSE OF PAIN (FOLLOWED BY ANGER) WE CAN, (FROM ONE MINUTE TO THE NEXT) COMPLETELY DISTANCE OURSELF FROM SOMEONE AND ACT (ON THE SURFACE) AS IF THE RELATIONSHIP NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.
I think pain has the strength to do this because we humans usually choose the easier route around most obstacles instead of trying to understand ourselves and the other person and grow from the experience.
And it's sad, but what can we do? It's more powerful than we are. It's our natural way of protecting ourselves. So while I will never underestimate pain, all I'm trying to say is try not to burn the bridges you built .
X Zo
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