A Piece of Zoe

Do you know what is happening in my private life at the moment?

Just by looking at me, you wouldn't know if one of my relatives has just passed, my parents were on their last dime or going through a divorce, or if I was having a hard time with a significant person in my life. Nor could you necessarily tell if I was battling an addiction or eating disorder or had just been diagnosed with a fatal condition.

Most of us usually keep these problems private for as long as they can contain it (apart from a very close friend/family member) and so no one knows that we are struggling.

So, picture this: I've been struggling with one of the above in my life over the past weeks. I've kept to myself and flashed my coverup smile but as soon as I step back into my private realm, the issue keeps occurring, driving me to the edge of my considerable tolerance at the slightest provocation which reloads all the issues in a flash. In this frame of mind, when someone flippantly addresses or dismisses the issue, or worse still, comments or gossips about it without being constructive, this is fuel to the fire. What if that comment right there, that superfluous comment… was the casual nudge that drove someone over the edge and brought about a reaction for which you are partly responsible? Yes, responsible. Because as social beings in intimate circles like family, school, circle of friends or work, or even on a larger scale as citizens of this country, what we say and do causes ripples in the lives of everyone with whom we interact. I'm not going esoteric on you with the notion that we are one, but while the whole may be greater than the sum of its parts, we still figure in the sum. 

It's also easier not to worry about whether nasty comments will get back to people by simply not putting them out there. My mom gave me a hard time about gossip since I was six and she overheard me talking with a friend about a third person, but it's only as I matured that I understood she was trying to protect me and not the person I was talking about. And I definitely buy into the fact that what you say about others says a lot about you. Purely silly gossip may just indicate that you are 1) bored 2) immature 3) insecure 4) bitchy 5) have nothing interesting to say. But when you emit opinions and judgements that seem to make a claim to your insight, intelligence or knowledge of the situation, think carefully. Check out this link on the subject: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802165441.htm

And finally, when speaking about a friend to another friend in confidence, ask yourself if you'd be happy for the absent subject of the conversation to overhear the conversation. There's a saying by a philosopher called Pascal: “Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back”

I guess what I'm getting at is that you don’t' always know what's going on behind your peers'/enemies' closed doors. So unless the comment is constructive and comes with good intent, or the person deserves a fair and criticism because of something horrible they did, remember that unfair comments, lies, undue criticisms almost always grow long legs and walk right back to haunt you.

X Zo