When is it that you should force yourself to put your emotions to the side?
When is it that you have to realise that no matter how hard you try with someone, there will always be something you aren't doing right in their eyes?
For me personally, I am on a constant roller-coaster with the description above in the form of a person.
Unfortunately, when I begin to care for someone, I hardly ever stop caring from them (a bitter-sweet curse). But luckily I have found a way over the years, of being able to put a halt to myself getting hurt by them... yet this is only possible when I force myself to from that point onwards not to look in their direction or if I do, be nothing more than civil toward them and take away all the care I had before. (E.g- when they walk past me and I have the feeling they are talking badly about me, I am able to not even let the thought go in my mind, nevertheless upset me.)
But, (since we're talking about actually having care for the person), what happens when they start being nice again? do you jump straight back to the opportunity because its something you want so badly or do you keep your wall up and protect yourself for the long-run.
For me personally, I always choose the first one and from feeling in control I end up feeling vulnerable because yes, they are nice one second and I'm so happy blah blah blah but then the next, they gossip and yet again, make me feel small, hated and most annoyingly- misunderstood <-- which by the way is in my opinion the worst thing to be because its one thing to be called a bitch and know deep down that you do have the tendency to speak before you think etc but its another to be called something or thought of as something that you know you're not. And the worst thing is what can you do? because usually when people have a set opinion of you it is virtually impossible to alter it to show them who you really are and how you really feel, which (for lack of a better word) SUCKS.
In my opinion, in cases such as these it is better to build that wall up and not let it down until you're 100000% sure they actually do care about you rather than break it down and build it break it down and build it up etc etc all the time.
- Sorry for the rant and bad writing but this is something I feel strongly about and want to express.
X Zo
When is it that you have to realise that no matter how hard you try with someone, there will always be something you aren't doing right in their eyes?
For me personally, I am on a constant roller-coaster with the description above in the form of a person.
Unfortunately, when I begin to care for someone, I hardly ever stop caring from them (a bitter-sweet curse). But luckily I have found a way over the years, of being able to put a halt to myself getting hurt by them... yet this is only possible when I force myself to from that point onwards not to look in their direction or if I do, be nothing more than civil toward them and take away all the care I had before. (E.g- when they walk past me and I have the feeling they are talking badly about me, I am able to not even let the thought go in my mind, nevertheless upset me.)
But, (since we're talking about actually having care for the person), what happens when they start being nice again? do you jump straight back to the opportunity because its something you want so badly or do you keep your wall up and protect yourself for the long-run.
For me personally, I always choose the first one and from feeling in control I end up feeling vulnerable because yes, they are nice one second and I'm so happy blah blah blah but then the next, they gossip and yet again, make me feel small, hated and most annoyingly- misunderstood <-- which by the way is in my opinion the worst thing to be because its one thing to be called a bitch and know deep down that you do have the tendency to speak before you think etc but its another to be called something or thought of as something that you know you're not. And the worst thing is what can you do? because usually when people have a set opinion of you it is virtually impossible to alter it to show them who you really are and how you really feel, which (for lack of a better word) SUCKS.
In my opinion, in cases such as these it is better to build that wall up and not let it down until you're 100000% sure they actually do care about you rather than break it down and build it break it down and build it up etc etc all the time.
- Sorry for the rant and bad writing but this is something I feel strongly about and want to express.
X Zo
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